3rd XV vs Oswestry 2^nd XV AWAY.  Meet time: 12:15.  Mood: Sombre bordering on Funereal.  13 men confirmed, mobiles being searched for unsuspecting victims! Nice surprise as Kris Bardsley rolls up unexpectedly, resplendent in narrow black tie and grey jacket – a likely pall-bearer, or a retro band member from the Shadows or the Tremeloes or something.  

Maz phones The Judge who says he’ll bring his kit. Air Marshal Heath (DSO, DFC and Bar -  but mainly Bar, semi-retired) enquires as to whether Marion gave The Judge any details of the meeting time and venue… sadly he did not, so there’s another chance to show off the newly-acquired Blackberry.  You can hear The Judge’s tirade without speakerphone (a bit like the banker on Deal or No Deal), but he agreed to turn up anyway despite his backside being nicely nestled into his favourite stool at the bookies. 

Off we go. Over an hour and 62 miles later, we arrive at the venue – we even had to pass through part of Wales to fulfil this fixture, what greater sacrifice can an Englishman make in the honour of his club? Pitch – wide but not long, going – firm, wind – strong and diagonal, opposition – larger, younger and seemingly fitter than the 15 that spilled out of cars from Stockport. The first bit of the first half was okay, but then the home side realised we were pretty rubbish and decided to run a little bit harder and faster. We ended up missing tackles, and that results in conceding points, doesn’t it?!  Wills, the Cabin Boy, sporting Captain Birdseye whiskers, began to moan about tackles being missed like a more youthful Air Marshal, but then laid his own cape over a puddle when confronted by the next attack, waving the try-scorer through like a lollipop lady. You’ve got to put your money where your mouth is Cabin, or keep it firmly shut! Then again, it’s taken me the best part of 35 years to nearly learn that one myself! 

The Judge and the Air Marshal, paired once again at half back, rolled back their socks to proudly present 98 years between them – I bet there wasn’t another pair of half backs anywhere near that age or stupid enough to have been playing at the same time that day. The age showed too!!! 

On a more positive note, the younger lads did a tremendous job of keeping the spirit going. Ric Lindsay captained with heart and made many tackles – he even told the ref we’d honour the full 80 minutes when offered an early whistle – the old farts couldn’t believe this crass stupidity and flagrant disregard for the aged!!! Kris B and Stevie G flew into every contact situation with gusto and aggression, and Cal Fielding was head and shoulders our best player (although the skipper would never admit it) in both attack and defence. He needed to be, as we were confronted by a cement mixer, oil tanker and steam-roller all disguised as rugby players in the home pack. It finally told, and we went down by 44 to nil. We couldn’t really expect more, having won less than a handful of scrums and lineouts – possession and territory dictates the scoreline, and we managed to manufacture little of either. Can’t fault the spirit though! How many recent 3^rd XVs would have fulfilled Whitchurch. Macclesfield, Sandbach and Oswestry – ALL AWAY!? Ergo success!15 went, 15 performed, 15 stayed on the pitch, and 15 ached more than usual the next morning. Tally Ho, Chaps! Alty Kersal AWAY this weekend!!!!