And so, another season which blossomed too soon seems to have passed in the blink of a (black) eye. A final-weekend-of-the-season trip to Eccles doesn’t compare favourably with the traditional Edwardian charabanc to Blackpool, but the Moor 3rds braved the elements and took a trip up the M60 regardless. The M60 Regardless – sounds like an American Submarine – but we did not capture the Enigma Machine, just a few rays of weak Spring sunshine emanating from the railway end at Gorton Road, Eccles. 

The Moor lads knew that the cards would be stacked against them as this ‘friendly’ (and indeed it turned out to be a mostly friendly affair) was taking part on a weekend where no league matches were scheduled… at least for the opposition. Moor’s 1^st XV squad were undertaking ‘light training’ (or a few cigs in the bar with the odd beer thrown in) in preparation for the defence of their Lancashire Plate title in the final on May 5^th. Moor’s 2^nd XV were hosting Ashton-O-Mersey in their final league game and were short of players (strangely, with a cup final imminent!). So, the 3rds turned up knowing the opposition would be a mix of 1s, 2s and 3s so the result was unlikely to be in doubt. However – Moor’s ‘Dolly Mixtures’ put up a bloody good show.

Skipper Heath elected to bat with the wind having won the toss, on a dry, rutted but grassy wicket. However, he fell into the previous week’s Stockport trap as the home side made light of the conditions and quickly imposed themselves on the match having the majority of possession in Moor’s territory. Callum Fielding, playing blindside flanker, provided the inspiration and set the example with a number of shuddering tackles on the larger Eccles players – these guys soon knew they were in a game. He was backed up by Tom Ireland and SAS Darwin who made life and possession difficult for the Eccles juggernaut, and ‘Pubes’ Graham was holding the midfield well, ably assisted by Ricky ‘Hitman’ Lindsay. One beautifully executed move saw Heath release The Hitman on a short 2-Ball and the latter proceeded to barge through the opponents at will, culminating in a peach of a hand-off which saw the Eccles hooker dumped firmly on his arse! Bravo! Despite their best attempts, Moor didn’t quite have the immediacy of support to regain quality possession so attacks fizzled out without posing much threat to the Eccles line.

Vice skipper, Kondratowicz, (try saying that three times quickly after a court session!), demonstrated how far he has matured as a player and leader by taking the responsibility for cleaning up poor ball on many occasions, and his baseline kicking has come on a treat. He is a different player now that he focuses on his own game and not on the referee or the opposition. Rob Coates, playing despite a broken finger, made his presence known and competed in all phases of the game like the real trooper we have come to admire. Dave ‘The Rave’ Nolan, keen to taste blood (his own will do), bravely slotted in at hooker and did a commendable job – he must now use the close season to develop playing attributes to match his verbal brilliance. A note on the Irish lunatic - provided by the sage Oscar Wilde in ‘An Ideal Husband’ – ‘If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilised’.

Ashy, guesting again, showed that he still rates the team above his own safety and regularly put his body on the line for the team’s cause. But despite these heroics, Eccles had the edge in terms of pace, power and support play, so it came as no surprise when they opened the scoring and took their opportunities without breaking (much) sweat.

Heath removed himself at half time (always a risky thing to do!) and brought on Fielding Senior into the centre with The Hitman slotting in at 10. This worked very well, and it would appear that the 10 slot will be passed into the safekeeping of Rick next season. Pete Fielding – a pocket battleship – the Neil Back of Heaton Moor in the 80s, had immediate impact, carrying the ball and making tackles that were only matched (not surpassed) by the son with whom he was playing. How Moor has missed him over the last 10 years! Let’s hope that Callum makes up for it by playing for the next 30!

Shortly afterwards, Andy Stott joined the fray for his senior debut (some of us older guys played regularly with his dad back in the olden days!). He acquitted himself well and I wish him every success as his senior future unfolds.

Moor stuck to their guns well as the second half progressed and began to put together some good phases of possession and recycling, culminating in exciting breaks, often from deep within their own half. Towards the end of the match, Moor won a maul and Jaz broke from the base to release The Hitman, who in turn popped to Fielding (of the P variety) on his shoulder. Pete drew the next man and offloaded to Graham who found Charlie who found Matt Goodwin (who for once stayed the distance) – 60 more metres up the pitch. Goodwin was tackled into touch, but Moor had sniffed the gusset, found it exciting, and wanted more. An infringement at the line-out saw Moor win a scrum. Jaz seemed to have picked the wrong option as he dummied and sniped, but he off-loaded cleverly in contact and Moor retained possession. The next phase saw Tom Ireland (who else?) receive a ball close to the breakdown, and the task looked impossible, but the Colts skipper wormed and squirmed his way over the line to register a score for Moor. Jaz nonchalantly took out the 9 iron, wiped the blade, and slotted the conversion by means of a drop-kick. Earlier, the skipper had witnessed one of those magic moments, where Mike Ireland had turned over Eccles ball brilliantly with a drive into touch, and he was congratulated by his own son on doing sterling work – the stuff that dreams are made of – with this spirit how can we possibly fail?. The final whistle went and Moor celebrated at scoring, despite losing 35-7, because they knew that they had acquitted themselves with distinction, honour, courage, cojones and pride against a mightier opponent.

Heath gathered his tired troops unto his bosom at the end and congratulated them on a magnificent end to an unbelievable season. Third in the league, and a real prospect of promotion. Only beaten home and away by Macclesfield in the league. Only one real cry-off during the season. Of late, regularly 5 or 6 men on the bench. An awesome team spirit engendered by the committed core of the team supported by seasoned pros and enthusiastic youths. This team has thoroughly deserved the success it has worked so hard to achieve this season, and it augurs well for further achievement in years to come. Heath now passes the baton on to Pilot Officer Kondratowicz, who has the unenviable task of working his way up the promotion ladder through leading the team next year. Unenviable isn’t quite right – this body of men has been a pleasure to lead – they demonstrate the right blend of commitment, loyalty, pride and above all, humour, to go on to further success.

Chaps, you have been a pleasure to lead, and I will miss being out there with you. You have the talent to take this team and this club forward – please do so with all of your heart.

Over and Out.

Air Marshal Heath.

PS – The captain’s speech at the club dinner should be fun – please book a ticket to be there, Friday 9^th May, 7:30 pm.

A final thought or 2.

Rugby football is a game I can’t claim absolutely to understand in all its niceties. If you know what I mean, I can follow the broad, general principles, of course. I mean to say, I know that the main scheme is to work the ball down the field somehow and deposit it over the line at the other end and that, in order to squelch this programme, each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellow man which, if done elsewhere, would result in 14 days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the bench.

P.G. Wodehouse ‘Very Good, Jeeves’ 1930.